“As an activist, I run into a lot of white people who feel guilty or ashamed of their privilege. I have yet to see it do any good. Generally, it leads to paralysis and hesitation… if a person is buried deep into guilt and shame they are not much good in the battle.”
– Noreen Patience Deweese, Member, Black Lives Matter Solidarity Task Force
“Good in the battle” – I had a little internal thrill of “yes” when I read what Noreen wrote above, in a post on Facebook. That’s what I want – to know what to battle for, and then battle well.
I am in the midst of sloshing through the mire of my own privilege, and the ways I’ve been and continue to be unable to recognize it. I have some experience with that dynamic – with realizing there’s a whole landscape of perception and approach in my life that I want to change. It was the same dynamic when I began working with the concept of “I referencing” – there was a painful period of NOT I referencing, and (cringing) hearing myself just after the words had come out of my mouth.
Same thing lately, when the scales fall and I see what I couldn’t see before, for privilege. It happened to me recently when I went to an organizing meeting at the Esperanza Peace and Justice Center. The meeting was on how to save San Antonio neighborhoods from our development-crazed city government. To my surprise – we started back 150 years, and looked at all the diverse San Antonio neighborhoods that had disappeared each decade, fallen to development, to “progress”. Privilege had let me blithely believe my neighborhood was the first to be threatened – that this oppression was something new.
It would be easy – in those moments when I speak or see out of a place of privilege, and then recognize it for what it is – for me to feel guilt and shame. I don’t, or if I do, I stop going down that road as soon as I recognize what I’m doing. Sustainable spirit – I want to be good in the battle. I don’t have the energy for guilt and shame. I don’t believe they accomplish anything.
So in addition to actively seeking where white privilege influences my perception, I’m working to be willingly vulnerable without guilt. Willingly open to change without shame. Willingly able to hear what I just said that I wish I could take back. I’m willing to do that, and willing also to be kind to myself. Because this is not a one-day battle. I believe those engaged in it are in it for the long haul. I am, too.
I’m issuing a gentle invitation to myself, and to you too if you like. Instead of putting energy into guilt and shame, I’m putting my energy into a continued willingness to be open, and vulnerable. I’m taking the words of Leonard Cohen to heart: “Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.”
